Battle Scars
by CaskettCloisRizzles
Summary: "I got shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it." She had lied. After everything they'd been through, after everything he'd done for her, and she lied? He couldn't believe it. He watched her die, and she didn't even have the guts to tell him that she remembered? What did that mean for them? What did that mean for their relationship? One Shot -Season 4- (Endgame-Caskett)


A/N: To be honest guys, I have no idea where I got this idea. I got it in the shower lol. This is set before Caskett became... Caskett. So, season 4, after Rise but before Always. I'm thinking... somewhere in between 47 Seconds and Always, so Castle knows that Beckett remembers.

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Castle had been avoiding Beckett for the past few days. He could still hear her words play through his head.

_"It must've been one of those traumatic amnesia things." _

_"Bobby! Don't lie to me." _

_"I'm telling you, it was all a big blank! It was the trauma!"_

_"It was not the trauma. You don't get to use that excuse," she said._

_"I swear I don't remember!"_

_"The hell you don't remember! Do you want to know trauma?! I was shot in the chest and I remember every second of it!" Beckett got up as she said, "and so do you." Castle couldn't believe it. She had lied to him._

_"After all this time," he whispered to himself. "You remembered?"_

After everything they'd been through, Beckett getting shot was the worst thing he'd ever experienced. He loved her, and he thought he'd lost her. He actually did. Twice. She told him she didn't remember, but a couple days ago, she told a suspect that she remembered every second of it. Why did she lie?

A whole whirlwind of emotions was surging through him. Betrayal, confusion, astonishment, surprise, and... hate?

No. He didn't hate her. He could never hate Beckett. But he was upset. Very upset.

Castle walked into his kitchen and got a glass down from the cabinet before grabbing a bottle of whiskey off of the counter. He filled the glass with ice cubes before pouring the whiskey into the glass. He sat on the couch and took a sip, sighing as the liquid burned down his throat. This was the sensation he most loved when he was stressed. His phone started to buzz, and he looked down at it on the table as it lot up with a contact name and face.

_Beckett_.

He ignored the call, wanting her to know that he was angry with her. He was angry as hell.

He took another drink of the liquid, finishing it off as he got up to pour himself another glass.

Alexis was out with friends and his mother was with her theater class, so he would be alone for tonight.

* * *

"Have you seen Castle?" Beckett asked Gates as she walked into her office.

"No, not in a few days. Why?"

"I was just wondering." Beckett walked back over to her desk and threw her empty coffee cup in the trashcan. She'd had to get her own coffee the past few days since Castle hadn't been there.

_Castle_.

She stared at the empty, worn-out chair beside her desk that Castle had called his own. She contemplated calling him again, but decided against it. She didn't want to bother him.

Esposito walked over to his desk and threw papers onto it, sitting down.

"Hey, Javi," Beckett said.

"Yeah?" He turned around and looked at her. He looked at what she was staring at, and he sighed. Castle's chair.

"Have you seen Castle?"

"No. Last I saw him was your interrogation. He listened in the observation room."

"What interrogation?" Beckett asked, sitting up straight and looking at Javi.

"With Bobby. After that, he rushed out and left. Haven't seen him since." Beckett tried to remember what could've possible made him rush off. Was is Martha? Alexis?

"Oh god," Beckett said, grabbing her jacket off of the back of her chair and running towards the elevator. She nearly ran into Ryan, and he walked over to Javi, his eyebrows raised.

"What's wrong with her?" Ryan asked, throwing a thumb over his shoulder indicating Beckett.

"I have no idea," Javi said, leaning back in his chair. "Something to do with Castle."

* * *

There was a knock at Castle's door, and he ignored it. Maybe if he didn't answer, they'd go away. He wasn't in the mood for company.

There was another knock. He ignored it.

And another.

Castle finally gave in, getting annoyed, and opened the front door.

"Beckett."

"Can I come in?"

"I-" Beckett didn't wait for an answer. She just walked in, and Castle sighed, closing the front door behind her.

"Have you been drinking?" she asked, seeing the almost-empty glass in his hand.

"A little." When Beckett stared at him pointedly, he sighed. "I promise. This is only my third glass." Beckett nodded, and took her jacket off, putting it on the coatracks as she threw her keys on the table beside the door.

"You've been ignoring my calls." It wasn't a question.

"Yes I have."

"Why?" Castle sighed, finishing off his third glass.

"I think you know why." He stared at her, and she'd never seen Castle that angry. That... hurt.

"Is it... because of the interrogation?" Castle simply nodded, unable to say the words he wanted to say. "What did I say?"

"You don't remember?" Castle scoffed, and added, "That's a stupid question. From what I hear, you remember everything."

"Castle, what are you-" Beckett stopped when a thought crossed her mind. Oh god. Did she say she remembered the shooting? Is that what he was hinting at her?

She did! Bobby said it was traumatic amnesia and she said she got shot in the chest and remembered every second of it.

How could anyone forget that? I mean, she could understand people forgetting the actual shooting; it happens all the time. But forgetting what Castle said?

"Why did you lie?" Castle asked, breaking her thoughts.

"I- I... I don't know. I was... I was scared."

"Scared of what?" His voice was louder than he wanted it to be.

"Of... Of you."

"Katherine Beckett... scared? Kate, you're never scared!" Beckett flinched. He only called her Kate when he was upset, or being serious.

"Castle I'm scared all the time! I'm scared every time we go out into the field and get fired at, or nearly die. I was scared when I got shot! I was scared when you and I kissed, even if it was just a distraction. I was scared when you said you loved me?"

"Love," he corrected her. "I love you. Present tense; not past." Beckett sighed, searching for the right words. She saw hurt in his face, and she died inside, knowing she was the cause of that hurt.

"I was scared of... of losing you. I lost my mom, and ever since then, I've built up these... walls. I was scared to let you in."

"I'm already in, Beckett. And there's no getting out. I love you, and if that meant anything to you... if _I _meant anything to you... you wouldn't have lied to me."

"Castle," Beckett scoffed. "You mean everything to me. You're my partner, and I- I..." Tears welled up in her eyes, one slipping down her cheek despite her hardest efforts. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Castle stared into her eyes, and Beckett gasped.

"Castle, what the hell are you doing?" He didn't answer. He just continued slipping his hand up her shirt. She gasped when his thumb hit the rough skin in between her breasts, his fingers resting just beneath her left breast. He felt her scar, his jaw clenching, and slowly pulled his hand out of her shirt. Beckett let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding in, and Castle sighed, his breath shaky.

"Let me see it."

"What?" Beckett asked, confused.

"Let me see it. Your scar."

"Castle, I-"

"Beckett," he protested. "I watched you die in that ambulance. Twice. You have no idea how I felt; I've never loved anyone as much as I love yo. - the way I love you - and seeing the life drain out of you killed me. I'm nothing without you. I deserve to see it after everything that's happened." Beckett stared at him before slowly unbuttoning the first three buttons of her blouse, opening it just enough to where Castle could see her scar. He gulped before gently placing his warm hand on her scar, but this time his fingers rested on the top of her breast. He gently grazed his thumb over the rough skin, and Beckett closed her eyes.

As he pulled his hand away, his fingers gently grazed her breast, and Beckett moaned softly. She quickly cursed herself, opening her eyes, and reached her hand up to button her shirt. Castle grabbed her wrist, and she looked up at him, surprise on her face. She slowly removed her wrist from his hand as Castle loosened his grip on her, and she returned her arm to her side as she stared into his eyes.

This time, they weren't filled with hurt, or betrayal. They were shining with love.

Castle brought his hands up to Beckett's buttons, and slowly started unbuttoning them. His fingers grazed her soft skin after every button, leaving a hot trail in their wake. He pulled her shirt off of her shoulders, admiring her form as he caressed her shoulder. He let her shirt fall to the floor, the buttons skittering on the wooden floor, as he placed his hands on the small of her back, pulling her closer.

Their lips were close, and their breathing was heavy, but their gaze never broke.

Beckett put her hands on the hem on his shirt, pulling it over his head as it joined hers on the floor. Her eyes fluttered opened and closed as Castle slowly pulled her closer, and his breath was hot on her neck as he unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, letting those fall to the floor as well. Beckett stepped out of them, and put her head on Castle's shoulder as she took his pants off. He kissed her neck as he placed his hands on her hip, playing with the lace of her underwear. He grabbed a hold of her hand and guided her into the bedroom. She gasped as her calves hit the cold metal of his bed frame, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, slowly moving them up her back to her bra. He unhooked it, and let it fall to the ground as he took her in.

God. He knew that Beckett was sexy, but he'd never seen anything more beautiful.

Beckett leaned in towards Castle, longing for his lips, but he moved his head to kiss her neck. He gently sucked and nibbled on the skin on her neck, and she clawed at his bare back.

God, how did he know all of her sensitive spots?

He gently nibbled her ear, kissing the skin behind it before kissing her shoulder and collar bone. He pulled away, looking into her eyes, and she brought her hands up to his face.

"Castle?" she asked, her voice deep and etched on the edge of arousal. "I love you too." Castle had been waiting for this for 4 years, but he wanted to take his time.

He didn't want to have sex with her. He wanted to make love to her.

Beckett slowly leaned in, grazing her lips across his. She gently pressed her lips to his, taking him in. He kissed her back, with everything he had, everything he was, and everything he wanted to be. Castle pulled away and looked into her eyes as if asking, 'are you sure?' and she nodded, instantly missing his taste. She brought their lips together once again as Castle put his arms around the small of her back. He brought her closer, and it was skin-on-skin. Castle played with the lace of her underwear before laying her down on the bed.

He pulled away once more, looking into her eyes, and she smiled up at him before bringing his lips back to hers. Thats when he knew.

Thats when he knew that this was the one he had been waiting for all his life.

She was The One.

* * *

Thoughts? Hope you enjoyed! Review!


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